(no subject)

I was cruising right along tonight, trying to make sure no one would accuse me of slacking off in my last week on the job.

And a guy came in just to shake my hand and say goodbye. He didn't need anything from the store. It wasn't on his way.

A friend of his told him I was leaving, and he got in his car to drive down just to see me.

I guess I did something right.

(no subject)

I'm starting to feel a lot better about things. I'm still not Mr. Popular around these parts, but more and more I know I have to make this change in my life. Ever since I finally decided to leave, I've had more energy, I've been in a lot less pain... So maybe a lot of that was psychological, when all is said and done.

I'll be ok. Thanks everyone.

(no subject)

Everyone in my world is pissed off at me now. I promised to keep up my rent for three more months so my roommate can find a replacement, but he seems pretty sure he's going to have to move out. I just... I feel like shit. A quarter year isn't enough? What else can I do?

My boss is still angry at me. Won't even talk to me now, and says really nasty things about me to other people while I'm a few feet away. Even though I gave two weeks notice, like a responsible adult, because things just aren't working out for either of us.

I just want someone who counts to tell me they understand. One person I care about to say that it's ok, or that just maybe it's the right thing to do.

I've been dangerously unhappy for a long time. I could stay working there for another 6 months maybe, and still be unhappy for another 6 months. Doesn't that count for something? When I admit to people that I've been so depressed that the direction my thoughts and feelings are going is starting to scare me, and that if I don't do something to change the state of my life I'm worried about where I'll end up. Or worse, how I'll just end. That's one of the most terrifying things I've ever had to imagine.

These are not the sort of thoughts I have. I want to be happy, and I want the people around me to be happy. But there it is, in my mind. I can still reason it away for now, but what about next year? What about the year after that?

I have to live a different life than this one. I have to be closer to the people who love me. I need this.

Someone tell me it's ok.


(no subject)

I gave my 2-weeks notice at work last night.

I guess I don't really want to go into the details. If I started, this post would be about 3 pages long.

Suffice it to say, I've been very unhappy. I'm not in a good place right now, and I haven't been for a long time. Nothing will ever change if I stay. I'll just continue trying to seek some sort of approval that is never coming my way.

I don't really have a plan for what to do next. I'd like to move closer to my family. It's really lonely out here in the middle of nowhere without at least someone to talk to. I guess I'll just have to wing it for a while.

(no subject)

I was raised by wild nature shows.

Behold... The alien power of our world!

Or something like that. So I spent the night looking up animal videos on youtube, alright?

First up, the Pistol Shrimp. The creature I would most use in giant size as a monster in some sort of seafaring RPG against unsuspecting players. No really, we just want you to go harvest some shrimp meat for us, friends... BAM!

First link is more theatrical, the second is a mathematical approach. Personally I'd like some elaboration on the "temperature of the sun" claim in the first clip, but what can you do.


Trapjaw ants flying. Not really educational at all, but very artistic. Think... The Matrix. But with better acting than 2 and 3. Whoa.


Some fish from the boat... Some fish from below.


The Whale shark. One of my favorites.


I'm also fairly fond of the 6-gill shark, as they are a deep sea leviathan... Which only seems to come to the surface in my little corner of the world. That we know of.


...And I think to myself, what a wonderful world.

(no subject)

So there's this girl that comes in sometimes where I work. She has a tattoo of a goomba on one arm, Samus on the other, and refers to herself as a hardcore gamer. She loves Flogging Molly and anything else Irish. She has a job as a mechanic, replacing transmissions. What's more she's smart as a fucking talk, and tons of fun to talk to.

She's married.

Real life should play fair.


I'm sure a lot of you know by now that Gary Gygax is dead. I never met the guy myself. I don't really play too many tabletop games either.

Still, I think back on how much time I spent pouring over the wealth of material he provided me as a kid, thanks to the books my brother left behind when he discovered girls and heavy metal. Making character after character on a makeshift desk made of milk crates and boards. I'd design them, then work out who they were to each other and why, along with lengthy stories about how they all came to be. I'd write the stories, and try to draw them doing fantastic things. Sometimes I'd even draw them as little paper action-figures (or 'dolls', if you were my dad.), and cut them out. Their swords could be sheathed. They had torches and removable helmets and shields. I still have most of them, those didn't get lost or destroyed over the years. Hundreds of them. Literally... multiple hundreds. I just can't bear to throw them away.

I start thinking back on all that, and I begin to realize that most of the books I used to help develop the framework of my imagination had his name on the cover.

I guess I still do the same thing today, pretty much the way I did then. I do most of my writing on a computer now, instead of in a spiral notebook while sitting on the heater-vent in the bathroom (wishing it would come on, of course). My drawings are a lot better, too... Though not nearly as interactive, and you can't really slide one down a rip-cord made of string into a waiting battle as well as with a cut-out paper warrior.

No, I never met him. Never even thought about meeting him. Only a few times in this life have I ever really had the opportunity to play the games he helped develop.

And yet I cried when I heard he'd passed.

Then I came home today and looked through some of the memorials people posted around the internet, and I cried again. I just couldn't help it.

I guess that's to be expected, though. You can't just go around championing creativity and fantasy and imagination, and not expect the people you inspire to get a little emotional now and then.

(no subject)

I've spent the entire day watching Almost Live clips. You may think you have no idea what that is, but you know at least a little about it no matter who you are. Check out http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Almost_Live!

See, in Western Washington there was once a sketch comedy show produced by an NBC affiliate that made very little money.

It gave us a window into the minds of people like John Keister and a bunch of other local comedians and writers.

It gave us Pat Cashman... And while you may not know his name, I guarantee you have heard his voice. Check him out at http://www.patcashman.com/

It gave us Mind Your Manners, With Billy Quan. A skit that has been co-opted by a million other shows.

It gave us Joel McHale who hosts a show on E, and will soon feature in a remake of the BBC show the IT Crowd, which if you haven't seen the original I highly recommend doing so.

It gave us... Bill Nye. You know, the Science guy.

It was a show that was so good (on for 15 years, won more than 100 emmys, highest rated show locally in it's time slot at the time when the network pulled the plug.) that ever since it was canceled in 1999 the local station has shown it every saturday night after SNL for almost an entire decade. Even with dated humor, because it's still a fucking funny show.

And why was it canceled? Because despite it's content, they were bought out by Bela Communications, which refused to accept the idea of paying a crew of full time writers/actors instead of pushing the same old syndicated crap for pennies on the dollar. It was a show cut down in the height of its popularity in my state.

I really miss it.

(no subject)

This drives me insane.


I am an Atheist. I believe in evolution.

And that is why I tear my hair out every time I see the BBC or the Discovery channel presenting their theories of how prehistoric creatures behaved as truth. CG seems to have given them a vehicle to present total fucking bullshit as real, and people eat it up.

So heres a theory... anything that happened before we existed? We have only a remote fucking idea based upon physical evidence how all of that went. WE CAN NOT DETERMINE SPECIES BEHAVIOR BASED ON FOSSILS.

Fuck you all, you god damned wanna-be Paleontologists trying to justify your paycheck. Present the facts of the world we live in, based upon the evidence of the past that we have... not some fiction you dreamed up and hired a guy to animate.

The scientific method. I learned it in 4th grade.

Look into it.

Somber, stoic... Also, fast cars.

This is an amazing story. Almost an hour of video, but well worth the time if you find the history of war interesting, if not always glorious.


I'm not one to say that they don't make people like that anymore... I know they do. But it all gets lost in the babble of gung-ho right-wingers who never served, and liberal scum like myself that never think we should have put them in harm's way to begin with for the reasons we did so.

The last two minutes especially... Really put the mindset of the winners of the Victoria Cross in perspective. I won't spoil it, except to say that I understand. My own grandfather flew a plane in WW2, and I never knew that until a few years ago. He doesn't talk about it much, and I don't think he wants to.

You may also recognize the host from the british show Top Gear, which is a really awesome show about cars in general. And I say that, even though I am very much not a car guy. Case in point...


Dunno how long it took them to stage this, but very cool at the end.